Accessories.

Certain accessories should be carefully considered when it comes to making an outstanding first impression: watches, bags, belts and shoes (we’ll touch on more at a later date, including sunglasses and hats). If you’re going to splurge on anything in the outfit, it should be at least those listed. They all speak for you before you ever open your mouth, so make sure they’re making a statement.

Watches
First of all not everyone wears a watch these days. This is likely due to people using their phones as their main source of time. This opens a whole new can of worms. If you are not wearing a watch AND your phone looks like you just snuck it into detention at Bayside to order some pizzas - you are totally hosed. Leave Zack Morris fashion in the 80's where it belongs along with his phone which was the size and color of an Oldsmobile 88 from the late 70's. I digress…

If you do decide to wear a watch, do not mail in your selection - take your time and choose something that says a few things: #1 - I have a job where I do well and do not get paid in packing peanuts and Marlboro coupons and #2 - I am capable of telling time on a watch that is not digital - because when people see me I do not want them to picture Dennis Nedry eating a stick of beef jerky at his computer wearing my watch.

Secondly,

I mean if you want to look like a hippo ate the discount rack at a Walmart and then threw up onto a stick figure…he is your hero. Even his jewelry; while expensive is in poor taste. If you are going to blow $100,000 on a watch, make sure it does not look like I could have fished it out of a box of Fruit Loops or like I burglarized Toucan Sam's apartment.

Take notes.

Bags
Think of a bag as being used for work or an overnight stay. Not to go shopping with your girlfriend, who by the way, is dressed how you SHOULD be dressed. I mean no self respecting woman wants to go anywhere in public with a man who looks like he selected his outfit out of the dirty clothes hamper of a 13 year old girl born in 1976. If you are going to dress like that, please save everyone some trouble and tape a name tag to your chest indicating "man" / "woman" and save us the trouble of betting our friends when you walk by at a bar.

Too much...calm down.

Belts/Shoes
When it comes to belts and shoes, one must compliment the other. If you are wearing a brown belt and black shoes either you got dressed in the dark or you are asking for people to think you are legally blind. Do yourself a favor and match your belt to your shoes. You learned your colors in Kindergarten…act like it (unless you were that asshole kid coloring trees orange and basketballs green in which case you should have been caned as a child). Furthermore, if you are buying your shoes from the military surplus down the street - here is a clue - people know you paid $8 for a pair of leather shoes a sailor wore during the battle of the Marshall Islands. Grow up and go to the mall (no, Fair Oaks does not count).

~J and guest writer http://bringthetruth.wordpress.com/